A Short Essay on Protest
In fourth grade, I refused to go to school until the principal met with me about the teacher who I said was cruel. In his office, Dr. Swan agreed, the teacher was a bully but also old. I should take pity on her outdated ways. As he handed me a mint lollipop, I watched his turtles circling each other in the terrarium.
I wonder if I have overlearned this lesson. I have a tendency to imagine what each murderous policeman was like at age five, punched in the nose for having the audacity to cry. I picture our racist president as a baby, dropped on the ground so many times that the fire of earth, as an act of mercy, swallowed him and replaced him with his gangrenous double. At night, I dream about their’ kinder shadows. I envision their blurrier selves waking up at 3 a.m. sitting in empty living rooms in the dark, drinking lumpy, microwave hot chocolate.
This afternoon when another black teenager was shot, my anger became a yelping beast trapped in a cage by my pity. I felt disgusted by my pity, knew my anger was righteous but was unable to let it out. I wondered What good is an angry dog when what is needed is …
As I turn the radio off, I imagine the nation I was taught we were—try to unlearn the myth I memorized for the test. I destroy the fence built of misplaced compassion, take the pieces and turn them into shields.
I attempt to make a clearing for my anger. I watch it digging up the bones that rot beneath the field. I imagine it tangled in the muddy roots, paddling in the polluted underground river, its howl transfiguring the dark water into fire.
I still know nothing about successful protest.
Joanna Fuhrman is the author of five books of poetry, including The Year of Yellow Butterflies (Hanging Loose Press, 2015) and Pageant (Alice James Books, 2009). Her sixth book to To a New Era is forthcoming from Hanging Loose Press. Her poems have appeared in numerous journals, including The Believer, Conduit, Fence, and New American Writing, and various anthologies, including The Pushcart Prize 2011 and 365 Poems for Every Occasion (Abrams, 2015). She also creates poetry videos and teaches at Rutgers University in New Brunswick.
